


Heal my scars

by fortytworedvines



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Minor Angst, Weekly Berena Fix, post canon fix it, they finally do some talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 11:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortytworedvines/pseuds/fortytworedvines
Summary: When Bernie gets stabbed, Serena arrives at the hospital to see her. Charlotte has plenty to say about it.





	Heal my scars

She didn’t feel the knife to begin with. Looked up into the pale face of a young lad, then back down at where it protruded from her body, the boy’s fingers still clasped around it.

“Don’t pull it,” she said, but he stared at her for a second, then yanked and ran. She pressed her hand to her chest, stemming the blood with her scarf while with her other hand she fumbled for her phone.

“Ambulance please,” she said to the operator, and lowered herself carefully to the cold pavement.

 

Lights swam behind her eyelids and she felt as if she was deep in the sea, swimming upwards. Pain throbbed in her chest and she gasped.

“Bernie?”

She opened her eyes, closed them quickly against the harsh glare of hospital lights. “Serena,” she managed, before she swam back down into the depths.

 

She surfaced again to the sound of arguing.

“We don’t want you here,” a girl was saying furiously, “Just leave us alone.”

She recognised the voice. “Charlie?” she whispered and her daughter appeared in front of her.

“Mum.” Cold hands clasped her own. “Oh, mum. You’re awake.” Arms embraced her and she inhaled a cloud of blonde hair. Then she perched on the edge of her bed, and Bernie saw the person standing behind her.

“Serena.”

Serena’s hand twisted her pendant awkwardly. “The hospital called. I’m still listed as your next of kin.”

“Right. Sorry.” Bernie winced and pressed a hand to her chest.

Charlotte rounded on Serena. “Look, just go. Can’t you see you’ve hurt her enough already?”

Bernie closed her eyes, heard – felt – Serena stumbling to the door.

“It’s not her fault, Charlie,” she said quietly.

“Maybe not this, but everything else is.”

“Let it go, Charlie,” Bernie sighed. “Just let it go.” She let herself relax back into the pillow, float beyond the pain in her chest. Soft lips touched her forehead and she smiled.

 

When she opened her eyes again, Charlie had gone and it was Cameron by her side. “Hey Cam.”

“Mardre,” he said sardonically. “Had to get yourself stabbed on the mean streets of London, did you?”

She smiled slightly. “You know me, always looking for excitement.”

“This,” he gestured at the dressing on her chest and the various tubes running from her body, “Is not excitement. What did you do? Stumble into the middle of a gang fight?”

“Something like that.”

He rolled his eyes and she managed a grin.

“Flowers and grapes,” he nodded at her bedside table. “Just what you need, right?”

“What I need is a whiskey,” she said fervently. “How long have I been here?”

“This is day three,” he said. “Charlie was here yesterday.”

“And Serena,” Bernie murmured.

Cameron looked at her sadly, “Oh, mum. You’re not still?”

“Have I moved on from the love of my life in four months? No, I have not.” Cameron touched her hand and she grasped it tightly. “You’re not as angry as Charlie.”

He shrugged. “I know Serena better.” A noise outside the door made him glance round. “Speak of the devil.” He kissed Bernie’s hand courteously. “I’ll give you some space.”

Cam held the door open to let Serena through, then closed it behind him.

 

Bernie gazed at Serena. She hadn’t changed. But then, it had only been four months.

“How are you feeling?” Serena asked, awkwardly.

Bernie’s lips twisted wryly. “Been worse. Sit down, do.”

Serena perched on the edge of the visitor’s chair. Bernie let herself drink her in, indulge in her presence for a moment.

“I don’t understand,” Serena said after a while. “Why are you here?”

“I got stabbed.”

Serena huffed impatiently. “You know what I mean. In London. I thought you were in Nairobi? You went back?”

Bernie’s fingers twisted in her sheets. “No. Turns out that when you quit and don’t work out your notice that some places aren’t too keen to hire you back when you call a week later saying you’ve made a mistake.”

“But... Cam said...”

“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to blame yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” Serena whispered.

“There you go,” Bernie almost managed a laugh, looked away from the moisture that was shining in Serena’s eyes, “That’s why I didn’t want you to know. Not your fault, I was the one who decided to leave, after all.”

“For me.”

“Yes,” Bernie said flatly, because she had given up the job of a lifetime for Serena and then she’d been left with nothing.

“What… what are you doing now?”

“Turns out that there are trauma centres in other places besides Holby and Nairobi.”

Serena blinked rapidly and reached out to touch Bernie’s hand gently. “Are you happy?”

Bernie resolutely ignored the tingle of electricity that Serena’s touch always sparked. She looked directly at the other woman. “Are you?”

Serena bit her lip. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

Serena moved slowly to sit on the side of Bernie’s bed. Bernie closed her eyes as fingers stroked through her hair. “Is this okay?”

Bernie nodded and relaxed back into the pillow as Serena teased a day’s worth of tangles from her hair.

“This is nice,” she murmured.

Serena’s fingers continued their movements. “I was so scared when they called me,” she said quietly.

“Mmm?”

“That I’d lost you.”

Bernie opened her eyes to look into shining dark ones. “I thought you didn’t want me.”

“Bernie – I...”

Fingers caressed her cheekbones and Bernie closed her eyes as Serena moved in and she felt the soft touch of Serena’s lips. Her hands freed themselves from her sheets to find Serena’s blouse, to pull her carefully closer.

The door banged and Serena drew back with a start.

“No!” Charlie stood in the doorway, eyes flashing, hands on her hips and completely furious. “Absolutely not! How dare you come here after four months and do _this_.” She closed the door behind her and advanced on Serena. “Do you know how long it took me to get mum half way back to normal?! A month of dealing with her drinking too much and then when we got over _that_ , she started going out and pulling every willing lesbian she could find! And I got to meet them in the morning when she’d run off to work and just left them? And now when she’s finally almost herself again you come waltzing back in and _kissing her_.”

“Charlie,” Bernie managed, finally. “Charlie, stop.”

“You know why Cam doesn’t hate her as much as I do, mum? Because he hasn’t had to help you try and put yourself back together. He’s been off getting favours from her while I tried to stop you becoming an alcoholic.”

“I – I wasn’t that bad,” Bernie said faintly.

“Weren’t you?”

The door opened again. “Mum, I’m back,” Cam announced cheerfully, before he took in the scene in front of him. “Oh dear.”

“She kissed her,” Charlie hissed at him.

“Ah.” Cam shot Serena a dark look, but took Charlie by the arm. “Come on Charlie. Come with me.”

T he door closed behind her two children and Bernie looked down. “I didn’t handle it very well,” she admitted quietly.

“But there was someone? In Nairobi – you said.” Serena drew back to sit on the chair, although she held Bernie’s hand.

“Two things, Serena. One, I’m not in Nairobi, and two,” Bernie smiled faintly, “What was it you said all those years ago? A lie to spare your blushes? I felt a bit less of a fool if I pretended there was someone back there, eyeing me up.” She closed her eyes. “It’s always been you, Serena.”

Fingers tightened round hers and she squeezed back. “I’ve been in therapy. Charlie persuaded me to go, eventually. It helped. I was moving on, a little.”

“Oh god, Bernie, I’m so sorry.”

“Why did you break up with me, Serena? Was it really over slippers and swings?”

“I was scared.” The tremor in Serena’s voice made Bernie open her eyes. “I thought I wouldn’t be enough for you. You needed the excitement of the trauma centre and all I could offer was quiet domesticity. I thought you’d leave me, in the end.”

Bernie pushed herself a little more upright in her bed, wincing at the s tab of pain in her chest. “But that’s all I’ve ever wanted. You, a family. A place to call home. I love my work, of course I do. But I fell in love with you when we were both working on AAU, when we worked long days and went out for meals and drank coffee and chatted on the roof. And I was just another consultant, we worked together… and I thought… you loved me too.”

“Of course I did, Bernie. Of course.”

“Why didn’t we talk about it all?”

“Maybe we’ve never been very good at talking. We’re great at our jobs, frankly fantastic in bed,” Serena smiled and Bernie laughed, “But not so great at communication.”

B ernie turned Serena’s hand over, traced the lines on her palm. “So. Leah?”

“She’s gone. God, Bernie. I’m so sorry about her. And, before you ask, no. There’s nobody else.”

Bernie looked into Serena’s eyes. “Are we going to  try again? Because you should know that there’s a very good chance that Charlie might kill us both.”

Serena opened her mouth but the door opened and a nurse came in.

“Hello Bernie dear, let’s get your dressing changed.”

Serena dropped Bernie’s hand and moved away from the bed as the nurse bustled around. 

Bernie glanced down as the dressing was removed. Stitches stark against her pale skin but no sign of infection. The nurse nodded, pleased. “Healing nicely. I’m afraid you’ll have a scar though.” 

She looked up, startled, as Bernie honked a laugh. “I’ve got plenty of those, one more won’t bother me.”

The nurse packed away her tray of things. “Well, it’s looking good, so we’ll see about getting you discharged. Will your partner be looking after you?” She glanced at Serena.

“Ah, I’m actually living with my daughter at the moment. She’ll do a fine job.”

“Well, that’s nice dear.” The nurse smiled vaguely and left.

B ernie glanced over to Serena. “Thoughts?”

“You do have a lot of scars.”

“Serena.”

Serena moved back to sit on the edge of the bed and Bernie let their hands slide together. She watched Serena, quietly, waiting.

“You’re sure it would be enough? Me?”

“Not just you. Jason, Greta, Gwen. Cam and Charlie. Are _you_ sure you won’t change your mind in six months time? Because I’ll tell you honestly, Serena, I’m not sure how I’d cope. If we do this again I need us to be honest with each other. If you’re worried, talk to me. If a junior doctor has a crush on you, I want us to be able to talk about it.”

“And if they have a crush on you?”

Bernie smiled. “The scenario has yet to arise, but yes.”

“You need to answer your phone more.”

“I know. I am sorry about avoiding your calls. I really did just want to surprise you. In hindsight it was a terrible idea.”

Serena stroked her fringe out of her eyes. “I would always rather speak to you than have a surprise.”

“Duly noted. And I will be better. Promise.”

S erena pressed a kiss to Bernie’s mouth then leant their foreheads together. “I love you.”

Tears swam in Bernie’s eyes. “For eternity. I meant it before and I mean it now.”

“Yes.” Serena kissed the tear that was tracking down Bernie’s cheek. “When you’re discharged I’ll take you out to dinner. If you want?”

“Of course I want. God, Serena, all I’ve wanted since I left Holby was to be with you.”

Serena kissed her again and then drew back, smiling softly.

There was a knock at the door. “Hi mum, Serena,” Cam said. “We’re going to get going.” He had his arms wrapped tightly around Charlie’s shoulders. “Just wanted to let you know.”

Charlie wriggled futilely in his grasp. Then she glared at Serena. “Just so you know, if you hurt her, at all, I know thirteen ways to kill with my bare hands.”

“Thank you for the warning,” Serena said, “I will endeavour not to hurt her.”

Cam frogmarched Charlie from the room and Serena grinned at Bernie.

“I’ve heard that threat somewhere before.”

Bernie shrugged. “Do you think it counts as valuable life skills?”

“You know what does count as life skills? Knowing how to fit two people into one hospital bed. Budge up, darling.” Bernie shuffled over obediently and Serena lay down carefully next to her and put her arm around her. “I’ve got you Bernie. And I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Weekly berena fix, week 2 prompt: Scar


End file.
